Sunday Musings - Honesty, Vulnerability, and Consent
Radical honesty vs. Vulnerability vs. Consent in relationships.
“Vulnerability without boundaries is not vulnerability.” - Brené Brown on the podcast episode: Taken for Granted: Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn’t.
I heard this and thought - maybe, even though I want to get to a place of radical honesty, especially as a newly-aware codependent person, but maybe…
Honesty is an inside job.
Am I being true to myself or am I people-pleasing to say what I think they want to hear? Do I do this for them? Or for me, to “get what I want”? And then maybe …
Vulnerability is a relationship tool.
Can I be vulnerable, share my story, and also HEAR theirs?
And if they say no, or stop, can I do that and respect those boundaries? Can I still feel loved and heard? Perhaps if …
Consent is the bridge?
Is this where EXPLICIT consent is needed. So that radical honesty doesn’t cross boundaries and can become (and remain) vulnerable in relationships?
How to get out of my head. It feels like I can’t stop the thoughts that don’t seem to be good for me.My first reaction is to run from them, to “stop” them, to avoid.
Instead, I want to be able to focus on the practical. The now. The beautiful good in front of me.
We live in a world built for distractions though.
Every book, every story, tells us about what we are lacking. Not how we are thriving. How easy it is to avoid.
And that accountability, the accountability to stay focused on the present, won’t come from outside, but from instead inside. And the constant awareness of the (seemingly) thousands of ways that exist to distract to justify not coming back to that center. That peace.
It’s hard to do the right thing.
It’s hard to even know what the “right” thing is when we are capable of drowning out our own inner voice with thousands of other voices.
To dive deep, to find appreciation, means to deliberately sit with discomfort. To choose this, over and over again.
…
That’s all I have for now. Not the solution, just an awareness. I am guilty of it for sure - looking for distraction - but my internal voice is louder and more insistent than others right now. For which, I feel I should be grateful - and I am!
But I’m also acknowledging that it’s uncomfortable & can feel like an uphill battle with everything against me, except for one thing - ME. I’m on my own side.
And that should be worth all the “work” in the world.
“Baby, can you understand me now?
Sometimes I get a little mad
Don't you know, no one alive can always be an angel
When things go wrong, I seem to go bad
I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Yeah, baby, sometimes I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
Yeah, and other times it seems that
All I ever have is worry
And then you're bound to see my other side
Oh, I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Well If I get edgy, I want you to know
I never mean to take it out on you
Life has its problems, I get more than my share
But there's one thing that I would never do
Oh, I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Well If I get edgy, I want you to know
I never mean to take it out on you
Life has its problems, I get more than my share
But there's one thing that I would never do
'Cause I love you
Oh
Oh, now don't you know I'm human
I got my faults just like anyone
And sometimes I lie awake, alone, regretting
Some foolish thing, some sinful thing I've done
I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
I said, I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Oh, I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood”
These are just unstructured personal musings. Maybe they will make it into a longer blog post, maybe they won’t. But they are here. Please read with compassion and love. I welcome your feedback.
~Rachel
Cover Photo by Yoal Desurmont on Unsplash
