Thoughts on Tradition - Change during the Holidays

Perhaps the only tradition from year to year should be making new traditions! This was a thought that prompted me to pick up the pen and write out it. (All while the song “Tradition” from Fiddler on the Roof was running through my head.)

This is such a loaded topic for so many people, and one that resonates with me because I spent most of my younger life clinging to things that were known. Holiday to holiday, I felt I knew what to expect, which made the transition to adulthood (after HS & college and my parent’s divorce when I was 22) hard.

We are “supposed” to be doing this, I remember thinking desperately, unhappy & scared. But, what if tradition exists only because of that fear?

Fear to lose what is important from generation to generation

But things CHANGE from generation to generation.

Acceptance, love, tribes, merging of families.

Now, thinking of traditions feel stifling, and exclusionary.

Having been on the receiving end of feeling left out with new family and old jokes, I can empathize with the family members who may have grown up and felt different, but unsure of how to communicate that without loss or fear of loss. Fear of being rejected by the ones supposed to love you the most.

So, let’s embrace change.

Children change. Each year is so different from the last in the first 18 years. Let’s use these special occasions to mark those milestones. To know that at this moment, we are here. That the last gathering was different, and the next one will be too, and that’s okay.

Let’s also remember. But not remember the THINGS you did that need to be repeated, but the PEOPLE that you did them with. There is comfort in ritual, for sure, but does ritual need to equal tradition? Or can every year, just the simple fact of gathering equal ritual? The ability to break bread (even the gluten-free kind), maybe light candles (especially in the dark of winter), and spend time with each other. Can that be ritual enough?

I also acknowledge this isn’t a straight or clear subject, but that is why, perhaps, embracing the gray areas will make every celebration one worth experiencing.

And maybe that is the only tradition that matters.