Schrödinger's Cat and Anxiety in Relationships

Nov 23

Nov 23 Schrödinger's Cat and Anxiety in Relationships

Maybe it was the cat part of Schrödinger’s famous thought equation that hung me up on the meaning. For it took me a long time to understand the paradox of it. And when I understood it, really understood the both/and nature of what Schrödinger was saying, then I started to see it. Everywhere. Especially in key interpersonal relationships.

And I could recognize the vast amounts of anxiety those Schrödinger situations generated. Not just for me, though I am admittedly an anxious person, but for everyone I observed. Perhaps it harkens back to an older thought experiment, the chicken or the egg. Did Schrödinger stumble on the cause of anxiety or did anxiety cause Schrödinger’s observations?

When we live in our heads, hypervigilant and on alert for the next thing — good or bad, positive or negative — then we live imaging both. Instead of being rooted in the present, in what is actually happening.

Who is Schrödinger and what is this cat?

I found this National Geographic article by Melody Kramer to explain it best:

“A cat is placed in a steel box along with a Geiger counter, a vial of poison, a hammer, and a radioactive substance. When the radioactive substance decays, the Geiger detects it and triggers the hammer to release the poison, which subsequently kills the cat. The radioactive decay is a random process, and there is no way to predict when it will happen. …

Until the box is opened, an observer doesn’t know whether the cat is alive or dead — because the cat’s fate is intrinsically tied to whether or not the atom has decayed and the cat would, as Schrödinger put it, be “living and dead … in equal parts” until it is observed.

In other words, until the box was opened, the cat’s state is completely unknown and therefore, the cat is considered to be both alive and dead at the same time until it is observed.”

I have heard this theory over and over in my life (I grew up with very scientific people), and I would just smile and nod and think I got it. Sure, alive and dead at the same time. Makes sense.

Then, as I got older, life’s repetitions showed me that I didn’t really understand it. In some ways, the optimism of youth may have got in the way. But I would, both grow older and understand.

It doesn’t have to really happen to create emotions in the body.

The turning point for me was recognizing an emotional situation that would happen time and time again. A close family member struggles with extreme mental health issues, and I’ve driven to his house on too many occasions wondering what I’ll find. On that drive, until I arrive, I imagine both. I imagine things will be ok, and I imagine that it won’t. And the not okay is terrifying.

Because I imagine both, my body experiences both. The power of this kind of unconscious thinking, especially with such strong emotions, is that it created neural/emotional pathways — even if it doesn’t come true!

Ghosting is another form of Schrödinger’s Cat

Once I could identify that extreme example, I realized I’ve had this experience waiting for texts too. Does he/she love me or not? Again, playing out both scenarios in my head. And because of the depth of these emotions — love & family, security & safety— the pathways are deeper. The conceptualized experiences, all possible outcomes, can be even more memorable than real-life events.

I can recall my imagining of someone not replying more vividly a week later, a month later, a year later than the things I was actually doing while thinking those thoughts — driving somewhere, or waiting in line for a coffee.

Maybe it’s because I live in my head more than others, but I believe we all have some spectrum of feeling this way. Experiencing the world through our thoughts and wondering more about the possible outcomes versus what is right in front of us, however mundane.

Schrödinger’s Cat and Anxiety

The statistics around anxiety seem to correlate. Per the Anxiety and Depression Association of America: “Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18.1% of the population every year.” The CDC shows that the COVID-19 pandemic (and I would throw in 2020 in general) has only increased those numbers.

Once I realized the connection, I started to try to bring my awareness back to real life. I mean, I’ve tried this before. Every anxiety article, self-help book, thought leader podcast tout mindfulness. (Stay in the present! Appreciate the now!) Don’t they know how hard that is? And, the shame it brings up (at least for me) when I felt myself “failing”? It felt like another vicious cycle.

So I took myself out of the idea of doing it because I was “supposed” to. I made it a game. Think of the cat-in-the-box as fun. Notice three colors. Touch one surface. Identify a smell. Move. Dance. Laugh.

One particularly tough drive where I was so stuck in my head (and alone in the car), I even talked them out loud: “The light has turned green. The stop sign is red. The steering wheel has ridges. It smells like fall.” And now, that is the memory that stuck with me. I can’t remember the scenario I was imagining and reimaging in my head, but I can remember the colors.

This is actually an exercise that is recommended for general anxiety, and it helped strengthen the connection between dear Schrödinger and anxiety. Because I tend to avoid when I am told about anxiety “treatments”. I’ve tried them all, haven’t I? And I’m only now actively learning that avoidance is a coping mechanism. One that backfires eventually, making things actually worse when they come up to be dealt with, but like those repetitive thoughts, one that has grooves so deep in my subconscious that I require a constant awareness to stay above it.

To keep opening the box and finding the actual state of the cat.

Actually knowing what is in front of me, instead of hoping that it is alive and well, while still imagining what it would mean if it wasn’t. And perhaps that is why he used a cat, because pets are great examples of being in the present. They can serve as very tactile reminders of the right now.

So my current motto, especially as we spend more time at home, is to not worry as much about Schrödinger and his proverbial cat, but go find an actual cat (or dog or soft blanket) and feel how real they are (how real YOU are) in this one precious moment. Notice what is right in from of me, even for a few seconds, and break out of the paradox of the unknown cat. Of my thoughts of all the possible scenarios that could happen, but I don’t know if they have. To live as a human in reality.

And to be kind to myself when, like the fickle animals we are, our attention only holds for a moment, then it is back to the rigors of being a modern cerebral human. Sometimes that’s all it takes to break a cycle, to practice awareness, and to quote Ram Dass, perhaps the modern antidote to Schrödinger: to “be here now”.